These past two months have not been even close to my favorites. I’ve had some ‘Debbie’ moments and lost track of my good path. I was losing a part of myself to anger, sadness, bitterness, coldness…pretty sure I was leaving a sour taste in people. I was stuck in a place where I lost sight of God and my attitude changed. The bad change. I was going days without sleep, I looked worn down, I was spending a good part of my day crying…I was exhausted. An effing mess. I want to spare you the details, at least for now, and focus on the good I took away from this.
I don’t like labels, so I say I was simply stuck in a rut. Everyone goes through shit; sometimes you just gotta kick and scream like a little girl before you put your big girl panties on to deal.
About a month ago, another FA’er whom I chatted with a couple years back, reached out to me. Our conversations in the past were stories shared about a lot of our similarities. As stated above, she has FA; but we also share another blessed similarity – being a mother. At that time, her daughter was a baby and Eli about 3. She had asked for a lot of advice and tips on raising a kiddo while dealing with FA. As we touched over all of this, our conversations faded away due to busy life. But lo and behold, as I’m stuck in my rut actually wondering how she was doing, the stars aligned just right and she sent me a message. We were both going through a rough patch and became great supporters for each other. We have become good friends, even with the distance. She in Kentucky and me in Missouri. Over the past few weeks, we took turns sharing our “moments” and gave advice to one another. She says I helped her with a lot, but I feel she helped me way more than I can express. I admire her courage and bravery; it allowed me to bite my tongue, take a step back and surrender the negativity I was holding in. As she told me: “The only way out, is through… Get out of the situation you’re in. Surrender instead of fighting or avoiding the problem.” A to the men, Beverlee!
I was trying so hard to fight against all that was being thrown at me and I was losing the fight, instead of letting the universe do its thing. You can’t fight against the universe. It will win. Always.
I don’t at all mean give up, either. You accept your cards and figure out a new path to find happiness & strength. Something that keeps you moving forward. Your purpose.
As I’ve been working on accepting, I have definitely figured out more about myself.
I can now put my goals into a plan of action. I have more to strive for and I’m ready to move forward…stay tuned…
One thing to take away from this is: EVERYBODY has something. A bump in the road, a falling out, a break-up, a moment (or two) of weakness – a cancer, an illness, an accident, a loss, a financial struggle….
It’s part of life to have these mishaps, but it’s also part of life to pick yourself up and find your joy again.
We’re only human, after all.